Sunday, February 15, 2009

A few days ago at work, I was minding my own business, getting ready for lunch.

Yummy-- deviled eggs and an avocado.

I watch Food Network -- Alton Brown is my hero-- so I know the correct way to open an avocado. If you don't pay attention. There is a valuable lesson here.

I always eat my lunch in my cubicle because I try to shield myself from negativity that seems to infect any workplace where-two-or-more-are-gathered. Today was no different. Except that I'd left all common sense at home.

I like my deviled eggs fresh, so I put my fixins in a container and open the eggs when I'm ready to eat. I had a knife. Sharp knife. Remember that-- key point. It was an Emeril's paring knife-- the kind with his NAME on it and all.

Yep. I'm hot stuff.

Eggs go fine-- slice, mix, spoon, chow. Perfect.

Avocado-- not so perfect.

I slice it open perfectly and twist. YES!!! Beautiful. Two halves--one side with an empty center and one with the pit. Slippery pit's gotta go.

Didn't know just how far the pit PLANNED to go.

I jabbed that sucker with my VERY SHARP knife and pulled the pit out. Now, I have to get that pit off the knife. The very sharp knife.

I grasp it-- yow, it's slippery. So I wave the knife around, trying not to attract attention because I don't want to be arrested or carted off by folks in white coats. Still nothing.

I wave harder; it holds like an anchor.

I swing it around my head doin' my best Roy Rogers.

Then it happens. As T.D. Jakes would say, "Pit, thou are LOOSED!"

It flew four cubes down and landed on a keyboard.

The keyboards operator was stunned, to say the least.

There's no moral here, just a lesson.

The workplace should not be a Pits Stop on the road to Heaven.

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